Do you know the song titled “A Thousand miles” from Vanessa Carlton? By the way, where is she now? She’s never been heard again. Back then the song was so famous. Most radio stations and TV played the songs. It became my favorite song among other songs that I like. Out of the blue I want to talk about the song. Maybe, just maybe it described how I am now. People said I am very picky in choosing my future man. Aren’t we supposed to do so? We have to pick the right man. The man who at least makes us feel something and ready to be committed. I am not talking about high school romance like those in movies or drama. Maybe we own the same religion, the same ideas about something but if I somehow don’t have any feelings for him, can we be united? It worked for some people, but I guess it doesn’t for me. Not that religion is not important; still the similarity of faith is much more important because that’s the basic thing. Many times I feel hopeless and lost in crowds. Many times I have open eyes widely; still he is nowhere to be found up till now. A feeling of pessimistic sometimes appeared. It whispered in my ears to just give up on what I have believed so far; to just accept a man who truly loves me and make my own feelings numb. Will it work? It worked in the case of my parents. They are still together till now. I know that once we get married, our husband has all the rights (except to torture us mentally and physically of course) on us, as the wife. I can’t imagine when the time he asks me to do the intimate intercourse, won’t I feel like he is raping me? Or if I don’t feel like that, maybe I will never be able to return his honest feelings for me. That I think will be so horrible. Sometimes I just ignore the feelings and live the life the way it is. Yet, once in a while that feeling of needing and being loved by someone emerges into the surface. That is the time when I feel so … so pathetic and tired.I am writing this story while listening to the song. Every lyric seems to reveal all the words that I couldn’t say. It speaks for me. I am the kind of person that easily melted by kindness and attention. It has something to do with the past which I don’t feel like sharing it here. It will be such an outstanding thing if he can see me, not just physically. He will directly win my heart. So, one of my best friends said that I am easily to fall in love. She might make her point. I told you kindness and attention can win me easily. She added that I up to now have never really been in love with a man. Is that true? Could be, because I don’t get the answer. Now, I am just hoping I will stumble upon him this time. We both can recognize each other. No more sad lyric and pessimistic in my life.
My biggest questions will be “Who are you? Where are you? “What do you look like?” just so I won’t miss you again this time. Good Luck!
T__Tsansan
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